


To love or not to love, a question

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, P.R.O.B.E. (BBV Series)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Budding Love, F/F, Gen, Middle aged lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Lou Bayliss set Patricia Haggard and Liz Shaw up on a date. Only catch? Liz and Patsy doesn't know the other person is invited.





	To love or not to love, a question

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darklioness82](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklioness82/gifts).



> Some hopeless midle-aged lesbian for Darklioness82 <3 Enjoy!
> 
> Set between The Zero Imperativ and The Ghost of Winterborn.

"Come on Liz, it'll be fun! A nice meal out on the town. I even invited along someone else!" Lou Bayliss laughed, pulling at Liz's sleeve as she tried to force the other woman to come along with her.   
  
"Another person? Who?" Suddenly worried, Liz stopped right in front on the doors to the fancy restaurant. If the dinner date had appeared suspicious before, it suddenly seemed ten times worse when Lou revealed she had invited someone else as well.    
  
"Come along and you'll see!" Lou insisted, resorting to hitting Liz hard in the back to make her move when pulling at her sleeve didn't work. "We're going to be late for the reservation if you don't move!"   
  
Surprised at the manhandling, Liz stumbled, nearly falling over her own feet as she started moving forward. "Yes yes I'm coming. God, remind me why I said yes to this again" She muttered, suddenly filled with an intense wish to go back home to her own apartment.   
  
"Because I thought you needed to pamper yourself a bit and you agreed" Lou said breezily, entering restaurant first and running up to the waiter greeting the guests   
  
"Table for two, Bayliss. We're still waiting for another guest." She said to the waiter, who nodded, nonetheless showing them the way through the restaurant.   
  
"Table for two? I thought you said we'd be three" Liz hissed, suddenly confused as the waiter did indeed lead them to a small table for two, placed precariously on a balcony near the roof of the building. It held a view of the rest of the room, and for a moment, it hit Liz just how beautiful and perfect that spot was.   
  
And, how hard it must have been to get the booking. A table like this would, after all, surely be very popular.   
  
"You are going to be two people dining" Lou said excitedly. "Because I'm not staying!"    
  
"What?!" Liz whipped around, facing Lou's sheepish face as she started backing towards the stairs. "You can't just leave me here with someone I don't know!" Liz whispered loudly, suddenly quite horrified. The waiter standing beside her looked scared, too, and Lou seemed the only one who was content with the current situations.   
  
"I'm not setting you up with a stranger, Liz. Trust the matchmaker, she knows what you need." Smiling mischievously, Lou tapped her nose in acknowledgement of what  she knew, before quickly disappearing down the stairs.   
  
"Come back you coward! Don't you dare leave me here Lou!" Liz called after Lou, but it was all for nothing as she soon disappeared among the waiters and waitresses moving between the tables on the ground floor. In the end, Liz had little choice but to fall down into one of the two seats at the table.   
  
Both worried and confused, she ordered a glass of red just to get the waiter off her back and so that she could have some privacy while she waited for her dinner guest.   
  
The waiter nodded, disappearing down the steps and allowing to bask in the quietness that was left. A low buzzing of dinner conversations and waiters taking orders rose from the main floor, but up on the balcony Liz was perfectly alone. Another table stood in the corner, but it had been pushed to the side and only had one chair. Clearly, no one else was going to sit down there.   
  
"Liz?"   
  
Looking up from the glass of wine she had just had put down in front of her, Liz was shocked to see Patricia Haggard standing by the stairs. Her blue eyes were big, her mouth half open as she took in the empty balcony - Liz and the at this point quite exasperated waiter the only two people in sight.    
  
  
"Patricia?" Once the shock had gone, Liz felt angry. Lou had put her up on a date with Patricia Haggard, her boss, but had neglected to tell either party who they would be dining with or the fact that the two of them would be dining without Lou herself present.    
  
After ordering her own glass of white wine, Patricia soon dropped down in the seat opposite Liz. Her movements were heavy, and she heaved a deep sigh as she finally disposed of her hefty handbag on the floor next to her.   
  
"Long day?" Liz asked, taking a small sip of her wine as she surveyed Patricia. She had a pair of stilettos on her feet and wore an unfamiliar seagreen dress underneath the usual dark blue suit jacket. Her hair had been manipulated into a fishbone braid, tiny curly sticking up everywhere as if pulled upwards by an invisible force.   
  
Patsy just shook her head. The tiny curls bounced along with the movement. "You have no idea. Bloody budget meetings will be my death...Ah, excellent!" Patricia brightened significantly as the glass of whine appeared in front of her, immediately taking a long sip and humming approvingly. 

 

“Would you ladies like to order, or will you need a few minutes?” The waiter asked politely. Looking at him, Liz noticed it was not the same one from before, and it almost made her laugh.

 

“I think we’ll need a few minutes, thank you.” Patricia quickly intervened, all but chasing the waiter away to give them some privacy. 

 

“So, I’m guessing Lou didn’t tell you I’d be here?” Liz asked, not even slightly surprised as Patsy shook her head. She swore under her breath. “Damn that woman. Who taught her about manners?” Liz lamented, leaning in her elbows on the table.

 

Patricia laughed. “I’m afraid that’d be us. Don’t you remember she called us mum and Mummy for a week that time when she got mad at us?” Smiling, Patsy tried to fasten a rogue piece of hair behind her ear, only to frown disappointedly when it popped loose again.

 

Liz laughed. Partly, it was in response to what Patsy had said, but partly it was also due to how absolutely adorable Patsy looked trying to control her hair. “Oh, I remember. Horrific experience. And speaking of those...how did the budget meeting go? Did it help to doll up?” She winked, and was duly rewarded with the sound of Patsy’s mocking laughter.

 

“Not in the slightest!” Patsy laughed, trying once more to smooth over some of the escaping curls. “I used to do this every day for school growing up, but I always liked to leave it be better” She sigh, finally letting go of her hair in favour of taking another sip of wine. “I just don’t know what they expect me to do. No matter how many cases I show that P.R.O.B.E has solved, you’re just not worthy of funding.” 

 

Liz frowned. It was the expected result, of course. Things had gotten better since Stevens had taken over the power, but it didn’t help in the long run because there was still not much more money to go around. The only thing it saved her from, was having to worry about P.R.O.B.E closing down. Otherwise, everything was at it had always been, and Patricia Haggard continued to argue on their behalf to protect every penny they received. “I’m sorry” She mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. She hated thinking of how much trouble she and Lou were causing Patsy. “Maybe it’d be better if we just close down and be done with it.” Almost automatically, Liz started digging for her pipe in her purse.it was something she always did in times of peril and stress. “Sometimes it just seems like more trouble than it’s worth.”

 

“I wouldn’t let them” Patricia retaliated sharply in the silence that followed Liz’s statement. Her eye were blazing, her mouth nothing but a tiny, straight line as she spoke. She was  _ completely  _ serious. “I wouldn’t let them take P.R.O.B.E Liz, not ever. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I give up on you and Lou.” Suddenly feeling quite upset, Patsy took a deep drink from her wine in an attempt to hide how much Liz’s words hurt her.

 

“I know, Patsy. I didn’t really mean it.” Giving up looking for a pipe she couldn’t use, Liz sigh. She knew she’d hurt Patsy by talking like that, and she felt regretful for her behaviour. “We’re really grateful for everything you do for us.” Smiling, she stretched out her hand and put it on top of Patsy’s.

 

At first, Patsy seemed almost surprised at the tender touch, but it quickly seemed to turn into embarrassment instead. Her eyes traveling to the left, away from her companion at the table. As Liz followed her gaze, she discovered suddenly that a waiter was standing next to them, waiting awkwardly for the two women to acknowledge him. 

 

“Um, I...are you ladies ready to order yet?” The waiter - the third one of the evening, Liz noted - smiled.

 

“I’ll take the chicken” Patsy said confidently, handing over her menu. “What about you Liz?” 

 

Liz blinked. Despite arriving first, Liz had not even so much as glanced at the menu. “I’ll have the same” She said finally, handing over the menu and hoping it was a wise choice. 

 

Nodding, the waiter was soon running away, disappearing down the stairs before another word could be spoken.

 

Patsy watched him go with amusement, before turning to Liz. “Wasn’t that the second waitress of the night? I think we’re scaring them.”

 

“Third” Liz corrected, sipping from her suspiciously empty glass of wine. “I think it’s awkward handling the middle aged lesbians out on a date.” She said quietly, telling herself that it was most definitely the wine causing the blush currently heating up her cheeks.

 

“Middle aged lesbians indeed! Speak for yourself!” Patsy cackled, smiling as she leaned in towards Liz. “How’s it going...with the blokes?” She teased, knowing more than well that Liz would never fall for a man, and that anything insinuating such a situation was just teasing.

 

“Oh, you know...the same old hate/hate relationship” Leaning back in her chair, Liz tried to put on a brave face. It was a well rehearsed little inside joke, the question and answer that they dragged up at the end of every wine-drenched evening spent in each others company. To Patsy, it was just a joke, but for Liz...well, maybe she wasn’t ready to realize what it ment yet. “Men just don’t get me” She sigh, smiling innocently.

 

“But women do?’ Patsy teased, sipping her own wine. She was running out too, and she quickly decided she probably wouldn’t be well served to order another one. There was already a blush hiding underneath her freckles, and looking at Liz she could see it was spreading across her face as well. Something about the hole scene made her smile and she lifted her glass towards Liz before downing the rest of the contents. “Men don’t get anything but their own sort. Makes you wonder how they’re not all dating each other.”

 

“Because there’d still be women who’d want to date them, probably” Liz said, she too draining the last of her wine. So far, the evening had been going good, but there was a growing tension between her and Patsy, and Liz wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. 

 

“We’re not all clever, are we?” Patsy commented, lighting up as she saw another woman coming towards the with two plates of food. “Here’s our food.” Smiling, Patsy accepted her plate, ganding Liz hers.

 

“It looks good” Liz said honestly. Mash and chicken and vegetables, topped off with a gravy that smelled of herbs. 

 

“Maybe you would like to order some dessert to have when you’ve finished your main course?” The waitress suggested, smiling happily. 

 

“No thank you” The both of them echoed in unison, before turning to look at each other in surprise. A slightly nervous laughter left Patsy’s lips.

 

The waitress smiled politely and nodded, starting to walk away. Halfway to the stairs, however, she stopped and looked back at Liz and Patsy. “Oh, and I’m sorry about the guys! Lesbians scare them!” The girl smiled widely disappearing at record speed down the stairs before either of the women could reply to her.

 

For a moment, both Liz and Patsy sat there, staring at the empty space where the girl had stood. Her words seemed to eachoe inside their heads, and they struggled to digest what she had said.

 

Finally, Liz spoke. “Seems a lot of people here are mistaking us for a couple” She said, poking around in her chicken and tentatively tasting a mushroom. It was delicious, and she moaned slightly.

 

Across from her, Patsy giggled. She was nibbling on a piece of broccoli, and as their eyes met across the table, Liz could feel the tension filling the air. It was like electricity, crackling and buzzing as they ate in silence, shyly glancing each other and giggling like love struck teenagers.

 

“Do you think Lou knew it would be this way, if she left us alone for dinner?” Finally, It was Patsy who broke the silence. Finishing her meal, she looked at Liz, and something warm that Liz hadn’t seen before moving in her eyes.

 

“Awkward?” Liz suggested, a smile tugging at her lips.

 

“Lovely” Patsy countered, grinning. “Absolutely bloody lovely!” 

 

“I do hope you’re talking about yourself?” Liz lifted an eyebrow, smiling satisfyingly. She wasn’t much of a flirter, but with Patsy, it was simple. They had always been flirting, somehow, all since they met - it had never meant anything, though, and it was by now just an inside joke like so much else.

 

Liz wondered if it could ever mean anything else.

 

“Yes right, me, the absolut man eater!” Patsy teased. 

 

Liz frowned, stuffing some chicken in her mouth. It tasted good, but somehow it was hard to enjoy it. “Well, you are good looking, Patsy. Not even some stupid man can deny that.” She smiled, her most flirtatious smile. Even though she wasn’t quite certain why she’d try to flirt with Patsy, it irked her that it wasn’t quite working.

 

“If you’re trying to convince me I’m pretty, you should look at yourself. That new dress is gorgeous!” Finishing off her broccoli, Patsy leaned closer to Liz, her eyes all but sparkling. “What exactly did you think you were going to do with Lou? Date her?”

 

“In that case, I think I got the jackpot. A date with you is far better than with Lou.” Liz tried not to blush, but it was fruitless. She could feel a warmth stirring in her stomach that she hadn’t experienced in a very, very long time and she wondered if this was what love was supposed to be like. It had always seemed a cliche, all the talk about hot stomachs and flushed cheeks...but as she looked at Patsy, Liz felt all those things, and it made her smile. 

 

“Oh...well, I can’t say I don’t enjoy going on a date with you, too.” Patsy glanced shyly over at Liz, and to Liz’s delight she could see that she, too, was starting to look like an enamored schoolgirl. Pushing her plate away from her, Patsy looked away suddenly and coughed awkwardly. “How about we go outside? I’d imagine you’re dying for a smoke by now.” She asked, giving Liz’s handbag a inconspicuous push in her dates direction. Clearly, it wasn’t Liz’s smoking habits that had her wanting to leave the restaurant. 

 

“Absolutely” Liz didn’t even know if she’d brought her pipe or any matches, but she still grabbed her handbag and stood up. “Let’s step outside” Deciding to have some fun, she offered Patsy her elbow. “My lady?” She asked suggestively.

 

“My pleasure” Patsy countered, happily taking the offered arm. For a moment, she starred Liz in the eyes, but then they broke apart blushing furiously.

 

Keeping a hold of each others hands, they climbed down the stairs to the bottom floor of the restaurant. Carefully moving towards the door, they tried to be as inconspicuous as possible so as to not think they were trying to escape the bill.

 

Halfway through the room, however, their  waitress catch sight of them. 

 

“Leaving already? Oh well, have a nice day!” The waitress smiled happily at them.

 

“Oh, we’re just stepping out for air. We wouldn’t run from the bill.” Patsy smiled politely, but the waitress simply waved her hands as though to brush it off.

 

“Oh, you don’t need to pay for it! This woman came in here just a few minutes and asked to pay for you! How crazy is that?! Just go home and have a nice evening together, will you?” She smiled, a genuinely happy smile that one only showed in the most remarkable of circumstances.

 

“Alright. We’ll have a nice evening then.” Liz nodded, at the back of her head already forming a revenge plan and an idea for a thank you card, both of them meant for one Lou Bayliss.

 

Once outside, they both leaned against the side of the building. From her pocket, Patsy fished out a packet of crumpled cigarettes. She popped one out, and offered another to Liz. “Smoke?” She asked.

 

“I didn’t think tobacco was your thing.” Liz replied, none the less pushing away the package. Instead, she began searching for her own pipe.

 

“It’s been a bad week” Patsy said, lighting up her own cigarette. “Need a light at least?” She asked as Liz finally found her pipe.

 

Liz shook her head. “Matches” She said, waving her matchbox in the air. “A lighter you need to lean side-way to fit in the bowl. A bad idea unless you haven’t got an option” She paused, eyeing Patsy as she took a few soothing drags from the cigarette. “A bad week doesn’t tend to drive you to tobacco.” She said, slightly concerned.

 

“It's been  _ one hell  _ of a week” Patsy repeated, sucking in the tobacco a bit more desperately. She knew she’d have to tell Liz what she heard eventually, but it didn’t make it any more pleasant. “They want to shut you down. They want Stevens to convince me to fire you and kick your ass and scream at you. They even call you a…” Patsy paused, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and taking another drag from the cigarette. 

 

“They say what?” Liz asked, puffing on her pipe. She could see it had upset Patsy, and the bare thought of someone purposely upsetting such a beautiful woman was absolutely infuriating. “Whatever they said, it is hardly your fault, it shouldn’t gnaw on your conscience.” Tentatively, Liz reached out a hand, holding onto Patsy’s closed fist, letting her fingers stroke the back of it comfortingly.

 

“They said you’re a hore, Liz! That you slept with the boss when you were in the military and you had to go back to Cambridge because someone discovered you. For fucking your boss!” Patsy snapped, pulling away from Liz and trying to disguise how upset she felt.

 

Liz sigh. She hadn’t actually been aware that it was an existing rumour. She would gladly tell Patsy that it was false, too, but it wouldn't be honest. Liz was no lier, and opted to go with the truth instead. “Well, I did. I had a relationship with my boss at UNIT. You can’t tell anyone though!” She gave Patsy a sharp look, suddenly scared she would confirm the rumours to her superiors. If that were to happen, neither she nor Alistair would have a job come morning. “It doesn’t make me a hooker, though, and it was certainly not my reason for leaving UNIT. Me and Alistair not getting on beyond sex had nothing to do with my career, and it does not concern you. As such, I don’t see why it got you so upset” Liz said, frowning.

 

“Why did Lou Bayliss put us up on a date?” Stomping out her cigarette butt, Patsy changed the subject suddenly.

Liz watched her, still smoking her pipe. “I think you can imagine that” Liz answered, ignoring the flush on her cheek and the itching warmth rising in her stomach as she imagined being the way Lou thought she should be with Patsy.

 

“Then maybe you can understand why it upset me” Patsy replied, still not even as much as looking at Liz. 

 

“It’s not as though you’d be interested in me anyway” Liz barked back, the realisation that Patsy might just be interested in dating her hitting her like a ton of bricks. Just as soon as she realised it, she denied it. It was ridiculous to think that someone would be interested in  _ her.  _ No one but endless rows of authoritarian men that Liz didn’t want coming within ten feet of her was ever interested in what she had to offer.

 

“I’m interested, it’s you who insist on staying single. No idea in asking you on a date if you’re just going to go ‘no thanks, prefer my pipe and a good book’, is there?” Patsy bit back, glancing tentatively ay Liz out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes swam with pain, and for an instance Patsy wish she hadn’t said anything.

 

“Maybe it’s just as well, then. If my reputation really is that bad, I wouldn’t want to pull you down with me” Taking great care in putting away her pipe, Liz readied herself to walk away. The conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and at this point they were just upsetting each other more than anything. “I’m going to go home now. We’re both upset and there’s no use making each other angrier. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow morning.” Liz explained firmly, beginning to walk away.

 

Patsy watched Liz go, feeling the anger brewing in her gut. In a sudden actor of furry, she called out after her. “Well, it’s your fault isn’t it?! You always go on and on about how blokes disgust you but obviously you don’t mind sleeping with one!” Patsy screamed, once more regretting the words the second she heard them being spoken. How could she say something like that to someone you love?

 

Did she even love Liz?

 

The words hit Liz like a slap to the back of her head. It almost made her want to cry, Patsy’s angry voice cutting deep into her soul than she thought possible. Slowly, she closed her eyes tight. “I didn’t know.” She whispered, quote and collected despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Not everything is easy for everyone. Being who you are and being open is not always easy, nor an option.” Slowly, Liz turned around towards Patsy, her eyes blazing. “Alistair was a mistake, and I’m truly sorry, but if you can’t see past that, then there is nothing more for me to say. Goodbye, Patsy. ”

 

Feeling as though her entire world was crumbling underneath her feet, Liz started walking away from the burning disaster of a date and a hope for the future that she no longer believed in. Despite being too old for crying over lost love, tears tracked down her cheeks, and she wished desperately that the night had never happened. 

 

“Liz! Wait!” From behind, she heard someone scream for her. A hand wrapped around her wrist, holding on tight as it turned her around to face the person chasing after her.

 

She was forced to turn around, meeting the big blue eyes of Patricia Haggard.

 

“Why do you have to be so stupid, Liz?” Patsy smiled, but Liz was still crying, absolutely shocked as the other woman was clinging on to her wrist.

 

“I believe you’d be the one to best answer that.” Liz keep her voice from quivering, but she feels utterly stupid. She should have understood that Patsy wouldn’t be understanding of her past mistakes. 

 

She should never have hoped that Patsy would love her in the first place.

 

Liz had once slept with a man, and in Patricia’s eyes it made her an unforgivable hypocrite.

 

“No, I’m not. I was stupid, too, because I said things I didn't mean...but you were stupid to think I would truly hate you for such a simple thing” Patsy smiled, putting one hand on each side of Liz’s head. Looking into those amazing, glittering green eyes, Patsy saw everything she wanted. And so, taking a chance, she leaned forward and kissed her.  She closed her eyes, leaned in and let their lips meet in a passionate embrace as Liz reciprocated the kiss. 

 

For a moment, they simply stood there beneath the street light in the dark alleyway. Patsy's hands cradled Liz’s head and Liz buried her fingers in Patsy’s wild curls. Their bodies pushed against one another and they burned with desire, though they did nothing but kiss.

 

Finally, they broke apart, both women standing next to each other and gasping for breath, trying to recover from what had just happened. None of them could quite believe they had truly done this, and yet all the evidence was right there in front of them.

 

Liz smiled. “Patsy?” She asked softly.

 

“Yes?” Patsy answered, giggling like  a schoolgirl as she stared at her grinning date for the night.

 

“I think I am about to make a rather large mistake.” Liz said, her hand already landing on Patsy’s waist, squeezing it tight.

 

“In that case, don’t you think Lou would want us to make that mistake? After all, that’s why she put us up on this date.” Feeling the hand squeezing her waist, Patsy happily moved her hands to squeeze Liz’s waist as well. “That’s why she set us up on a date, is it not?”

 

“I would believe so” Liz agreed, reaching up to bridge the gap between them and give her a peck on the lips. “Come with me home?” She asked.

 

Patsy laughed. “Naughty, naughty. Inviting a younger person home on the first date? You got balls.” Smiling happily, Patsy offered Liz her arm, relieved when she took it in her own. 

 

“Well...is that a no then?” Liz asked, the two of them walking arm in arm towards the parking spaces outside the restaurant.

 

“No, it’s a yes. Lou may have a lot of crazy ideas, but this was not one of them...so for now, I just want to go home.” Patsy smiled, leaning in and whispering. “To you, that is” She finished it with a light kiss on the cheek, smiling smugly.

 

And si, in the dark of the night, a new relationship was born. None of the partners knew where it would lead, or if it would indeed lead anywhere, but the next day a bouquet of flowers and a large box of chocolate appeared on Lou Bayliss desk. Attached to it, was a small car that read:

 

“Thank you - L & P”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kudos & comments please!


End file.
